“You have holes on your face”

I got all glammed up excited to attend my very first wedding in France, and one of my little nieces said to me:

“You have holes on your face.”

Immediately, I found myself getting triggered.

‘I thought my scars were better now, but I guess not…'

'Geez… do my scars really look that bad? Even with make up on?'

I felt embarrassed. Sad. Offended.

“Excuse me? That’s really rude. You don’t say things like that to people.” I wanted to say in reply.

But instead, I simply paused and asked her (even though I already knew what she was talking about),

“I do? Where?”

She said, “On your cheeks.”

And I said in reply, “Oh these are scars from my old boo-boos.”

(Yes, she’s a 6 year old kid)

And that was it.

End of conversation.

It was just a matter of fact, boring old conversation.

Could I have made a big deal out of it? Sure.

Could I have made it mean I was ugly and that everyone’s only looking at the scars on my face? Sure.

Could I have let it ruin my day and shown up to the wedding feeling down & upset? Sure.

But I chose not to.

Because the truth is, maybe my scars do look like holes to some people.

Maybe my face looks like a strawberry to some people.

And maybe some people notice it while others could care less about it.

The goal here is not for me to correct them or try to change their perception of me.

But instead, the goal is for me to remember in these moments that having scars on my face doesn’t make me any less worthy or lovable.

And whether people make comments to intentionally hurt you or are simply pointing out their observation (like hey, the sky is blue and you have holes on your face), you don’t have to make it mean anything about you nor let it stop you from living your life either.

If somebody said “I don’t like your blue hair,” how would you respond?

You likely won’t even think twice about it because you don’t have blue hair (unless you do, then change this example to a different color).

You won’t be fazed by their comment “I don’t like your blue hair,” because YOU know that you don’t have blue hair.

So you might even laugh or think they’re crazy.

They can think you have blue hair all they want.

They can think you have holes on your face all they want.

It doesn’t matter.

What matters is how much you let these comments affect you.

Rather than trying to change THEIR opinion about you, work on improving YOUR opinion about you.

Because when your belief is so strong, no hurtful/insensitive/negative comment can touch you.

It’ll just sound like “I don’t like your blue hair.”

It only stings when your own belief is shaky.